Mutual Submission

� 2000 by William R. Cunningham
July 2, 2000

Introduction

I am continuing the series pertaining to the place of women. However, I am going to present it in a more generic form as not to be too focused on the women's issue. To see the specific study of the place of women in the home and in ministry, please see my study guide titled, "The Place of Women." This study will be available shortly as it is still in the final stages of completion as of the date of this writing.

This particular lesson deals with the concept of submission or to be subject to. What does it mean for the wife to be submissive or subject to her husband and the husband to love the wife? Some hold that it is the wife's responsibility to do what her husband tells her to do. Some reference the scripture where Sarah called Abraham Lord. We will look at that as well.

The purpose of this study is to clarify what the Bible especially Paul means about being submission and in particular of wives to their husbands.

Submission

What does it mean to submit? The American 21st century mind usually thinks of subjugation in reference to submission. We tend to believe that submission means that we are to obey those that we submit to. In other words, to whom we submit are those that control us. That is what we tend to believe. However, does the Bible use the word submission in the same context? We will find that it does not at least in some cases. First let's look at the scripture where Sarah called Abraham Lord and the scripture where Christians are to submit to one another.

The Submission of Sarah

Some attempt to "prove" that the wife is supposed to obey her husband, that is, do whatever he says by using these scriptures. Is this true? The Hebrew and Greek word translated 'Lord' in these two verses literally means supreme in authority, master, or ruler. By implication it is a title of respect such as Mr., or Sir. Now we have a problem if Sarah called Abraham the supreme authority in her life because that is what God is. This is one reason that the word Lord is rendered as LORD (all capitals) in many translations to distinguish the "lord" as God the ultimate supreme authority. So we see that Sarah must have called Abraham something else beside her supreme authority. In essence she was just calling Abraham her husband who is head of the household and her head. She was rendering respect to her husband. Notice the tone that Sarah refers to her lord, Abraham. Some translations simply render this "my husband being old also," which is accurate from the context of the scripture.

So this particular verse does not imply that all women should obey their husbands as their masters. The husband is not lord in the sense of supreme authority over their wives. As a matter of fact, that is the trait of the curse. He is head of the house and responsible for her care, as we shall soon see. The honor given to Sarah then is in her recognizing her place and the place of her husband. She submitted to Abraham as head of the household. As a side note, consider that they were still living under the curse of the fall where the husband would indeed tend to rule the wife.

Submission To One Another

Let's look at the use of the concept of submission from the scriptures. This same concept of submission is later applied to the submission of the wife to the husband.

Submission in this verse can best be defined by another verse, which is given below.

The sense of submission here is in the forgoing of your interests so that you can serve someone else. It is a voluntary act of caring and the act of love. We will talk more about this later.

Therefore submission in this context refers to the voluntary act of putting someone else's interests ahead of your own. It is also a reference to the act of voluntarily putting yourself under that authority or care of someone. An example of this would be the submission of a patient to their doctor, a student to his or her instructor, or children to his or her parent. Submission does not always imply a tyrannical rule, as in this case. Instead, it refers to the whole concept of love, which we will discuss later.

Now let's turn our attention to a specific instance of the concept of submission. We will focus our attention on the submission of wives to their husbands according to Paul's epistle.

Submission of the Wives

Are wives supposed to do whatever their husbands tell them? Are wives under the control of their husbands? Let's look at another verse written by Paul and determine if the answers to these and similar questions.

The key to understanding this scripture is in understanding the concept of submission and in understanding the relationship between Christ and the church (His body). The word "submit" means to voluntarily place yourself under the authority of another, to yield the authority to. Notice that the same Greek word for "submit" used here is also used in verse twenty-one where Paul says that we should submit ourselves to one another. You must understand that the word submit does not mean that you place yourself under the control of another. So Paul says that the wife should place herself under the authority of her husband voluntarily thus not by compulsion. Paul says "as to the Lord." This illustrates the type of submission that Paul is talking about and it also alludes to the responsibility and authority of the husband, which we will discuss shortly (another type of submission to authority can be seen in Romans 13). The wives should submit to their husbands as they would to the Lord. The question now becomes, "how do I submit myself to Christ?"

Is Christ perceived as the boss? Is Christ perceived as the one that has full control of your life and tells you what to do in addition to making demands of you? We tend to think of those things when we see that word "submit." However, what Paul is referring to is a submission that is first justified and fueled by love and respect. We submit to Christ because we know that He loves us, cares for us, guides us, and he died for us. Likewise, a women would submit to her husband because she knows that he loves her, cares for her, and would risk all for her well being. Her submission may be thought of as a natural progression of the relationship as opposed to something demanded by the husband. He deserves her submission because of the love and care that he gives her.

There are three key words in this passage of scripture that will help us to understand what Paul was saying. Those words are "head", "be subject to", and "love." Let's look at each one of them.

The Concept of Headship

What does Paul mean by the husband is head of the wife? There are at least two Greek words that could be translated into the English word head. They are as follows.

1. arche-leader, boss, point of origin. Used to denote beginning. English examples are archeology, archives. Also archbishop in terms of importance.

2. kephale-physical head, used to mean foremost in terms of position. It was also a military term for one who leads in the sense of being in the front (or head) of the battle or the first into battle.

Paul chose kephale when he said that the husband is head of the wife. The husband is pictured as the one that sticks his neck out and is first to be attacked. He is before his wife, not in status or importance but in position. He is pictured as the one running into battle first for his family and ahead of the wife.

So we see that the husband is the head of the wife because of his love, respect, and care for his wife. We will talk about love shortly. His wife therefore respects that and submits herself willingly to his headship. However, this does not imply that the husband has authority over her in the sense of ruling her. Remember that the type of submission called for her is the same as our submission to Christ, which is not as to a tyrant king that rules us but to a loving savior that cares for us.

Head does not mean boss as in the controller. The husband is ahead of the wife and therefore has the responsibility to love and respect her. The husband is the head of the household though not superior to the wife. This only means that the husband and the wife have their own respective purposes within God's plan for husband/wife relationships. We must hold to the non-superior posture of the husband because condoning a superior husband would violate our understanding of the equality of the sexes that we learned from studying the creation account in Genesis (and Galatians 3:28). So the fact that the male (husband) is not superior to the wife and likewise the wife is not inferior to the husband must be preserved.

Considering these things we see that it is a wonderful thing for the wife to submit to the loving and caring husband. The wife then becomes the glory of the husband because she indeed becomes his helpmeet and his companion, which is compatible to him. Nothing can take the place of a peaceful home occupied by a submissive/loving wife and a loving/submissive husband. Submission does not mean that your rights are given up. Remember that the authority of the husband does not make him her "boss" or "king." He is merely responsible for her in the family union. He is the overseer of the family. Ultimately, he is the servant to his wife.

Think of how Christ is head of the church and you will see how the husband is head of the wife (household). Is Christ a tyrant demanding your allegiance to everything he says? Or does Christ lovingly present you with the way to life and it is up to you to submit to that Way? Didn't Christ stick his neck out and died for you, the Church? Of course this leaves the husband with the responsibility of being worthy of his wife's submission and vice versa.

To Be Subject To

The Greek word that is translated "be subject to" is used in the middle voice of a verb in the Greek language. It refers to the voluntary act of submitting to another person. IT does not imply authority or obedience. You could say "to place yourself at the disposition of" would be a good way to put it. Be responsive to the needs of is another way to view the meaning of this Greek word. The same Greek word is used to describe the relationship between the following:

1. To each other

2. To God

3. Wives to their husbands

So we see that what Paul meant here was that the wife voluntarily submits herself to her loving and caring husband. This submission is not by compulsion and not as to one with supreme authority over her. It is to the one who loves her and cares for her. It is to the one that would risk his life for her safety and well being just as Christ did for the church.

The Concept of Love

There are many meanings for the word love and there are many Greek words that were translated into the English word love. However, the love spoken of here is not an erotic type of love that a man might have for his wife sensually. It is not emotional at all. It really describes an attitude or action. It is the act of putting your self-interests aside for the well being of someone else whom you love. This word is related to the Greek word for "be subject to."

Paul used a form of Hebrew literature where synonyms are used in parallel form. See Psalms 32:1 and 24:1 for examples of this literary form. Therefore, love and submission are really used as synonyms. A husband loves his wife (submits to her) as she submits to him (loves him).

Application-The Christian Model for Marriage

Paul introduces a new model for the Christian marriage, which is equalitarian instead of patriarchal. Paul uses the relationship of Christ and the church as the model for husbands and wives. Christ is head of the church in that he suffered for it (first) and gave his life for it. Christ does not rule the church. Therefore, we should submit ourselves to Christ because of the love that was demonstrated towards us.

The husband is to be head of the wife by loving her and serving her not ruling her and commanding her. The wife is to be supportive of her husband and serve him as well. A husband, as head of the wife, is to sanctify her and be willing to die for her. The wife is to be supportive of her husband and meet his needs.

Paul's model for marriage was very radical to his audience at that time. The husbands had little or no regard for the feelings or needs of the wife. The wife had little or no knowledge of the needs of her husband. Recall that the culture surrounding Paul was that of the Greek philosophies where women are either inferior or a distraction to men.

It is extremely important to understand that Paul was not supporting the typical Greek philosophy of men and women relationships. On the contrary, he was opposing it. Paul introduced a very radical alternative to the way things were done at that time. He proposed a system in which husband and wife were equal partners in a union. The husband loved the wife and the wife loved the husband. The husband would care for and submit to the needs of his wife just as the wife did the same for him. From this would grow that every beautiful state of togetherness, which is beyond the scope of this study.

Consider the following scripture as support of what we have already discussed.

Notice a very important word at the beginning of this scripture. The word is "likewise." This tells us that Paul is relating what he is about to say with something that he has already said. So what did he previously say? In 1 Peter 2:13-25 Paul teaches that we should submit to those that have authority over us. Living this way would thwart any false accusations of Christians because of their good behavior. He also uses the example of slaves (servants) being submissive to their masters whether the masters were good or bad. He says that Christ gave us the example of suffering unjustly for a greater good.

Likewise, as we should submit to those in authority over us, wives should submit to their own husbands. The purpose of doing this is the same as we discussed earlier, namely to win over the husbands and give no cause for strife, false accusations, or simple trouble in the family. This really pertains to a wife that was married to a pagan husband, which was the usual case. The wife could win her husband or another man (husband) over to Christ by merely her "godly" behavior.

We see that these verses of scripture are not a teaching on the superiority of husbands (men) and the inferiority of women. It is mere instruction of an affective protocol that would win the husband over to Christ or at the very least minimize strife in the home between a saved wife and an unsaved husband.

It is very important to understand that 1 Peter 3:7 refers to Christian husbands since non-Christian husbands are not heirs of the grace of life. Also notice the use of the word "likewise" again. In the same way that wives were to submit to their husbands for the sake of peace, the husbands were to live at peace with their wives via the mode of understanding. The phrase "weaker vessel" most likely refers to physical strength and not moral or mental capacities. Men have more muscle mass then women and therefore tend to be stronger physically. Therefore, the wife typically would not be able to stand against a stronger husband. Again, this situation applies to a husband that becomes born again but the wife has not.

Findings on Submission

We have found that the submission referred to in the previous scriptures do not indicate that the wife is supposed to give up her rights to the husband and do whatever he says. It definitely does not suggest that women are supposed to give up their rights to men in general. The scripture does not suggest that women are somehow inferior to men and therefore should submit to his better judgment and/or abilities.

We also notice that the teachings in these scriptures refer to a general principle that Paul gives in Chapter two. Namely that we should submit in order to keep the peace and give no reason for the non-believers to accuse us and hopefully win them over to Christ. These verses speak nothing of the superior or inferior nature of men and women respectively.

The submission of the wife to the husband is a voluntary act on the part of the wife. The wife places herself under the care (authority) of her husband. This is a form of love similar to Jesus' statement "if you love me then keep my commandments." If the wife really loves the husband then she will put herself under his authority, not in the sense of rule but in the sense of his care. The husband's love for the wife is indeed demonstrated the same way. He submits to the care of his wife as she fulfills her God given purpose just as he does.

The submission of the wife to the husband should be earned. That is, the husband should demonstrate love for the wife in deeds and not just words. The wife then responds to that and submits herself under his authority, which is his care and love. Her submission to her husband is compared with the submission of the body of Christ to the head of that body, which is Christ. This is not a submission to absolute rule but absolute love and care.